Assertiveness is often misunderstood. Many people assume it means being forceful, outspoken, or even aggressive, as long as those actions are wrapped in good intentions. Yet Christian assertiveness looks very different. It’s better understood as servant assertiveness, a way of relating to others that’s shaped by humility, compassion, and respect. Rather than demanding to be heard, it seeks first to listen. Rather than overpowering others, it honours their dignity while also recognising the value God has placed within us.

Aggressive behaviour often grows from a failure to recognise the worth of others. It pushes forward without listening, treating people as obstacles rather than fellow travellers made in the image of God. Passive behaviour, on the other hand, can stem from a failure to recognise our own worth. It stays silent when wisdom should speak, withdraws when love should engage, and forgets that we, too, are beloved children of God. Though they appear very different, both aggression and passivity become centred on self. One demands its own way; the other hides from responsibility.

Assertiveness offers a better path. It’s the practice of being open, honest, and respectful towards both ourselves and others. It enables us to speak truthfully without hostility and to listen carefully without surrendering our convictions. In this, we see the example of Jesus. He was neither aggressive nor passive. He listened deeply, spoke courageously, challenged injustice, welcomed the outsider, and remained secure in his identity as the Father’s beloved Son.

A healthy sense of purpose also matters. Aggressiveness often arises when people lack a clear understanding of their true goals and values. When we know who we are in God and what he’s calling us to do, we no longer need to force our way forward. Instead, we can walk with quiet confidence, treating others with grace while faithfully following the path God has set before us.