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The early hours of the morning can be especially dark and cruel when depression strikes.

My words written a few days ago in the early hours of the morning when depression descended like an uninvited guest. The depression eased, but only to give way to the frustration of insomnia. I must have dozed off for a few minutes, because I woke in sheer terror – hanging onto the duvet for dear life! I gave in and decided to get up!

My reasons for openly sharing my experiences of depression are to help get rid of the stigma that still surrounds mental illness and to help others, sufferers and those who provide support. But sometimes I need help and support myself (that’s nothing to be ashamed of) and I’m grateful for all my friends and family who provide this. I have bipolar disorder that is well-controlled, but sometimes depression becomes a struggle. Difficult personal circumstances and times of change don’t help. Stephen Fry and Russell Brand both suffer from bipolar disorder, and Russell Brand’s character and life well illustrates the manic aspect of this condition, as well as his addictive personality. We should cut him some slack!

The darkness of depression is exactly that, darkness. A darkness that excludes, and this includes the light of God. God’s presence is always with us (of course), but not always recognised. It’s a very dark place, one that those who haven’t been there can’t begin to imagine. So ‘well-meaning’ people can cause great harm, and ‘well-meaning’ Christians even more so if they suggest (directly or indirectly) that a lack of faith, trust (and the like) might be connected with the depression. The Church and some Christians can do guilt very well, so I seek to enlighten whenever possible.

Sometimes those of us with depression need to ‘pull ourselves together’. Picking yourself up and doing something is useful, going out for a walk is good, starting something creative is excellent (for example) for lifting the darkness of depression. Often the darkness is too deep though, the event horizon has been crossed. So telling someone in that situation to ‘pull themselves together’ or reminding them that ‘things could be worse’ (and the like) only makes things worse. Sometimes there are times when it just can’t be done, unfortunately this simply adds to the feelings of failure and hopelessness, and deepens the darkness. I’m learning when I need to allow myself to go with the flow and give in, and when to give myself a kick up the backside. Sometimes when I’m feeling very depressed I don’t feel like doing anything or going out, but I always feel better when I do.

For the person supporting, it’s having the sensitivity to know how and when to encourage moving towards the light. Just be there and support, it will be appreciated. Don’t pretend to understand if you’ve not been there, and NEVER tell someone to stop taking their medicine!

Often depression comes in the loneliness and darkness of the early hours of the morning, although depression can strike at any time, even in the middle of a sunny day! It can also last for long periods. The silence of the early hours can be a mixed blessing for me. At times I appreciate them, at other times they’re too much. It can be the time when the depression (that I may have been fighting all day) really hits. Sylvia Plath wrote (in The Bell Jar), The silence depressed me. It wasn’t the silence of silence. It was my own silence.

Fortunately, it’s not all dark. There is a positive life that can be lived with depression, and it’s possible to live a fulfilling life as well having the ability to help and support others. An important way forward for someone with depression is to build a network of people around them who understand and are supportive. It’s also important to seek appropriate medical help and (if possible) counselling. Insights from cognitive behavioural therapy can also help, as well as a better understanding of the causes of depression and things that help.

Someone with depression is more likely to compare themselves with other people and criticize themselves more harshly. Mind you, we all do it, and could benefit from silencing the inner critic sometimes – he/she can be a very harsh critic! Sometimes I feel like a failure, a waste of space and completely unloved. I know that’s not true.

Speaking directly to the person with depression: Remember that your feelings are just that, feelings. I understand that they become your reality, but that’s false! In the depth of your darkness, try and hold on to that truth. It’s not always easy, and just because I’ve been a Salvation Army Officer for over 30 years doesn’t mean I’ve got everything in my life sorted out, but I can live with that!

Note: the image Broken Flowers has been used within the terms of a Creative Commons license.

By using this icon on my website I am stating…

1. That I am opposed to the use of corporate advertising on blogs.

2. That I feel the use of corporate advertising on blogs devalues the medium.

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Note: I do have to pay WordPress annually for this (otherwise they would insert adverts to pay for their free service), but it gives me independence and a warm, fuzzy feeling! I also pay to place the site on my personally owned domain. Just so you know!

“There is no one on earth I’m afraid of, and no regime can buy or sell me.” Morrissey (from Irish Blood, English Heart on the album You Are The Quarry)

This is a great video that captures the true meaning of Easter. Even if you’re not a person of faith or agnostic in your outlook, do give it a look as it has something to say about our world today. Best in full screen view. Oh, and there’s a great soundtrack – so turn the volume up! Happy Easter!

Today is my 4th Twitter birthday and I’ve posted my 35,000th tweet. Although I wasn’t part of Twitter when it was launched, it was a very different place in those days – with a fraction of the users today and not widely known. I have shared its growing pains as it continually outgrew its servers. I have used Twitter to document my life during those four years, from the trivial to the life changing. I have made new friends, some I have now met in real life and others I have yet to meet – either way, they are very real friends. It’s been a fantastic tool for networking in my working life, and given me direct contact with people in the public eye. I have used Twitter to share my interests, as well as my Christian faith – and, as a result, have built up a large circle of friends and contacts of all faiths and none. It keeps me in touch with the real world, and often challenges my thinking and attitudes. Twitter (along with Facebook) are dominant in the social media world and both have their critics, but I have found them a very positive force for good. It depends on your approach and your creativity. Happy Tweeting!

Pink Floyd fans will immediately recognise the title of this post as a lyric from The Wall. Writing poetry can sometimes be thought of as rather a dark art, even by those who regularly write prose. Although I enjoy writing, it’s not an area I’ve moved into – even though I’ve wanted to. I love reading poetry, appreciating the well-chosen turn of phrase that paints a picture that sends the mind into the wonderful world of the imagination. Come to think of it, isn’t that what all art seeks to do? The creators of music, paintings, sculptures (and the like) all seek to evoke responses in the mind and of the imagination!

Twitter (with its limit of 140 characters) lends itself to a genre of poetry identified by the hashtag #micropoetry – and today I was inspired by someone I follow on Twitter (whose poetry I find fascinating) to have a go. They are written quickly and can be composed anywhere – my first attempt was in the shower this morning:

The warm embrace of the water/the tingle of the shower gel/ready to face the day.

The others were composed while I was out and about, and posted online from my BlackBerry. Here they are (slight changes have been made so they scan better), do let me know what you think. You can use or reproduce them in the terms of my Creative Commons licence. Thanks.

Music blaring/lights flashing/shoppers rushing/tills ringing/people shouting/Jesus hiding.

Reindeer in a straw-filled pen/Skaters in an open rink/Salvation brass in a ring/…it must be Christmas!

Flowerbed of rubbish/discarded cardboard coffee cup/cigarette end in compost/acutely-angled ale can/symptomatic

Frozen penguins/hog roast/gourmet liquorice/mulled wine/Gregg’s pasty/random verse

xfactor/strictly/celebrity/bigbrother/ephemeral

…this is Part 2 of a post by Thomas Mathie. Click here for Part 1.

There are, however, times when a Label helps. Labels used to stand for something… they used to represent a stamp of quality… and for some… they still do. Consider Sub Pop, XL or Ghostly International, for example.

This is where netlabels come into play for me. A netlabel is a label that represents a stable of artists where the majority of interaction is done via the Internet. Most netlabels tend to give their music away for free… and some offer physical releases to compliment their digital downloads. Again… netlabels tend to deal in obscure and niche sub-genres… areas with minimal commercial appeal but in doing so… act as a stamp of quality.

Take Sutemos.net for example… they have released some of the best electronica that I’ve heard in a long, long time. I think I have all their releases on my iPods (yes… I have 2 iPod classics on the go for all the music I listen to… in addition to my iPhone) and reference them often. There are too many great netlabels for me to point to… so I won’t… but I would encourage you to check them out. Search by genre of music you like and you will find something to your taste. Are netlabels fairtrade? Yes… because, once again, you are dealing with the artist… albeit not directly but through an artistic cooperative, so to speak.

You could argue this point with traditional labels… that they are artistic cooperatives… but their overarching infrastructure isn’t conducive to giving their artists the best deal, imho. Traditional labels are in it for the money… that’s why its called the “music business”. They have to pay for their investment and fairplay to that… I’m not against capitalism, in this regard.

However, there is an alternative way… and this is where my issue comes… when the need for profit comes before the pushing of niche artists. I don’t like the majority of music deemed “popular” these days… and probably have the majority of “the classics” and don’t want to buy them again in whatever format-shifted package that they want to pimp us.

Let’s face it… and it’s a shame to say this… but the music of Ambienteer will never sell in the bucketloads. I really want it to… but it won’t. But the best thing about the music of truly independent artists such as Ambienteer is that they are working within their means… they only have their own costs to cover and don’t have to cover extensive marketing machines. They may be niche… but they have the realistic ability to breakeven or make a profit… unlike artists on the Traditional labels.

I guess they could be considered sustainable concerns, in this regards… and for me that’s a big deal. So the next time you are looking for some new music… turn to the Internet and take a stroll down Bandcamp lane or Netlabel street… and look for the truly cutting edge. They are where it’s happening nowadays.

This guest post comes from my good friend Thomas Mathie, aka @headphonaught on Twitter and elsewhere.

When John asked me to write about Independent Music… I automatically thought of all the indie bands that make up the (capital “I”… capital “M”) Independent Music scene: Oasis… Stone Roses… etc. Independent Music aka Indie is a genre… a style of music worthy of capitalisation… and not necessarily what I intend to talk about.

When I talk of independent music… I talk of the roots of what became Indie (genre)… when folks made music that was released independently of the major music labels. I also think of one of my favourite bands… Fugazi… who are renowned, at least to me, for their frugal DIY tours and fair price policies in the late 80s through the 90s to the present. It was their stance towards their fans that got me thinking about what I wanted to talk about: fairtrade DIY music.

The whole concept of fairtrade is knowing the producers of the product you are buying have been given a fair price for their product. When it comes to music… this is vitally important for me. For the most part… we are moving from the physical to a digital environment, when it comes to the distribution of music. I still buy Records and CDs… and hope HMV doesn’t close because they own FOPP and FOPP is my favourite recordshop chain.

But things are changing… and with this change… the barriers of entry have been lowered considerably for independent musicians. Sites like SoundCloud, Last.fm and Bandcamp give the opportunity for musicians to be heard. My personal favourite is Bandcamp… because you can stream the whole recording before you download it… the formats they offer are excellent (320kpbs as default – higher than iTunes) and their tagging allows for efficient exploration of music deemed similar to that which you are listening to. It’s ideal for the one-man-or-woman-band… low cost to enter… the ability to set a price or suggest to the buyer that they can “pay what you want”… the opportunity to get heard and, hopefully, make some money.

Thing is… however… Bandcamp isn’t enough to get the message out there. I find the majority of my music through recommendations from friends… predominately on Twitter. Folks like guitarist Matt Stevens or ambient soundscape creator James Fahy aka Ambienteer have built up a real community of people (of which I am proud to be part) using tools like Bandcamp and Twitter. I love their work, found out about it on Twitter and happily paid for it once I had had a good listen to it.

Matt and James are truly independent. They don’t have a record label. They aren’t backed by one of the Majors. They aren’t backed by one of the Indies either. They are one-man-bands. Take Matt, for example… to have no one inbetween works in his favour… Matt can deal directly with his fans… react quickly and genuinely promote himself as a truly authentic independent artist. He can sell his physical CDs via his Bandcamp page (or bigcartel, if he wanted to) at very reasonable prices… because he simply doesn’t have the overheads that the labels do. What’s more… he streams concerts via his Cafe Noodle site… and brings others in. He opens the door for others to participate.

The thing is… if you are like me… you do not object to paying £5 for one of his albums… because you have a real relationship with him. This is what the labels so desperately need but can’t get their heads around… the desire for a real relationship. Dealing direct with the artists, in this manner, removes the need for a label. In essence, Matt or James are their own labels… Matt through his solo work or his work with his band… the fierce and the dead… and James through his Ambienteer work.

What is important to note, however… is that both Matt and James’ music is niche. Matt make wonderfully upbeat futuristic flamenco guitar sounds that he loops and tweaks to make a wall-of-sound. James makes droning ambient electronic soundscapes. When I say niche… I mean that the majority of X-Factor-loving drones won’t get it… but then Sigur Rós are “technically” niche and yet they’ve received mainstream acceptance… mostly for their appearance, at one time, on nearly every piece of incidental music on the BBC (see note below).

I guess it is fair to say all music is niche… with some niches bigger than others. What artists like Matt and James have done is to find their niche… and build a relationship with it… and that is extremely important to acknowledge and understand.

To be continued…

Note: Nearly every other piece not by Sigur Rós is likely to be by Brian Eno! (John)

Here is one of my favourite pictures taken from inside The Deep in Hull. I love buildings, both old and modern, and I feel this shot captures an aspect of this iconic building designed by Sir Terry Farrell.

A colleague and friend of mine has come up with a great idea! But, instead of me waffling on about it, I’ll let the video speak for itself! That reminds me, I better head over there and order some!

Yesterday I started a Blipfoto Journal for photos and thoughts. I already keep a private written journal in which I express my deepest thoughts, emotions and ideas, and this is certainly not for publication – for my eyes only! Keeping a journal can be very helpful and cathartic, and can be especially helpful for people (like myself) who have to deal with mental health issues in their day to day life. I’ll probably post more about this in due course. I also find the creative process of writing extremely satisfying and therapeutic, and feel I have a measure of talent in this area – us Brits should be more upfront with our talents in my humble opinion, good for overall well-being!

But back to Blipfoto (you’ll possibly have noticed I go off at tangents at times, but hopefully enlightening ones). Blipfoto is one of a number of websites that allow you to post a photo a day (a 365 project), and I chose it because it looks stylish and allows you to upload photos from the day you join. There are some restrictions (not really a problem), you can only upload one photo per day which must be assigned with the exact date it was taken, although you don’t have to physically upload them on that exact day. A review of four sites for uploading one photo a day says:

One of Blipfoto’s strengths is the fact that all uploaded photos are displayed as thumbnails on the front page, giving all members a chance to get noticed. And because of the strong community built around the site, members are constantly giving feedback.

And, as I suggested at the beginning of this post, I like the fact that you can add a long journal entry to the photo as well. Why not check it out?