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Many of you will know that I recently had to take the awful decision to end my dog’s life. Zoe would have been 15 years old today and for most of her life she’d been in good health, and back in January her annual check-up was very positive. Unfortunately, she deteriorated rapidly a few months ago, although I don’t think she suffered in any real sense. As I walked her to the nearby veterinary surgery, I had a horrible feeling it would be her last walk. It was probably kidney failure, and I could have gone down the road of blood tests and treatment (which would have been covered by insurance), but opted for the hard decision of love. The vet and her assistant handled the situation with great sensitivity and care, and I stayed with Zoe (stroking her head) as she peacefully slipped away.

Zoe was a Welsh rescue dog (Border Collie X) that I adopted from the Dogs Trust when she was about 7 or 8 months old. She’s been a wonderful friend and companion for over 14 years, and I have special memories of her running free on the Welsh mountains in the Rhondda Valley – but more of that later!

To bring her home involved driving over a mountain, so Marta drove and I sat with Zoe on my lap in the back of the car. The first few days at home with the family were interesting, to say the least! Although Zoe was a rescue dog, I don’t think she’d been mistreated, merely not given the attention and exercise she needed. She was so inquisitive as we walked her through the Rhondda Valley streets, wanting see what was round every corner and in every garden! It was also a time when she had to learn the house-rules of not climbing on furniture and beds. She quickly got the hang of them, and after two or three days, she never broke the rules once – even when we were out!

After a few weeks the time came to let Zoe run loose for the first time, so on a Saturday morning I climbed up the mountain on our doorstep with her. We walked up the mountain path through open ground and forest trees, past fast flowing streams and rock formations, finally reaching fairly level ground at the top. Now was the time to let her off the lead, and the minute I did she was off like something possessed! I don’t think she’d ever had her freedom, and so she was going to make the most of it. I’d purposely left plenty of time because I knew it might be difficult to get her back. She’d keep coming to within a few feet of me, just to check I was still there and that everything was alright, but never close enough to put her back on the lead. In the end I had to start making my way back down the mountain, and Zoe followed me but always at a distance. Eventually as I neared the bottom of the mountain, and Zoe was completely wet and covered in mud, I managed to get her back on her lead somehow.

This mountain became well known and loved by Zoe and myself during the next three years until we moved away from the area, and some of my best memories are up there.

To be continued…..

When you turn the steering wheel of a car, you expect that the wheels will respond and move the vehicle accordingly – it’s a basic function of a car. This has always been my experience in forty years of driving, until recently that is! I was driving round a roundabout, but as I turned left to exit, the steering jammed and I only just managed to wrestle the car round. The steering continued to be unbelievably stiff until I managed to bring the car to a safe stop. Incidentally, I managed to stop near a post box and I did have some letters to post, so at least it served a useful purpose! Having switched the engine off, locked the car, unlocked the car, and restarted it – the problem disappeared! Unfortunately, as I drove to my destination, I couldn’t get it out of my head. I was thinking it was going to happen again any minute, such was my loss of confidence.

As soon as I had the opportunity I did what everyone does in situations like this – Google it! It soon became clear that it’s a common problem with the Meriva. I also quickly found several friends on Facebook and Twitter who’d had the same experience as me, and a YouTube clip from the BBC programme Watchdog where it was featured. So why did I have a Meriva with this problem? Why hadn’t Vauxhall recalled the unsafe vehicles? What was the Vauxhall dealer going to do about it?

Well, they repaired the car and told me they had fitted modified parts that don’t have the fault. This begs question, why no recall?

So, for me, the main issue is why hasn’t there been a recall when so many Merivas have this potentially dangerous fault? Imagine I was doing 50 mph on a left-hand bend with oncoming traffic when it happened? The Vauxhall garage was excellent, although they’re clearly well-versed in dealing with Meriva customers with the same problem!

There’s rosemary, that’s for remembrance; pray you, love,
remember. And there is pansies, that’s for thoughts.
William Shakespeare – Hamlet, Act 4, Scene 5

Last week my daughter Sarah and I bought some herbs from Bardill’s Garden Centre and planted them in the front garden. Hopefully they will grow well and give me plenty of herbs for cooking. We bought six different herbs, click on each one for more information: Chives, Coriander, Garden Mint, Oregano, Rosemary and Sage.

Those of you who know me and my personal circumstances will realise that the title of this post is something of an understatement! I can honestly say that the last six months have been the most difficult and challenging of my life. In the middle of November 2010 I had to face up to what can only be described as a life-changing event, which has had a profound effect: with implications for me as a person, for my mental health, and for my work. Consequently, there are implications for my future life and work.

I have previously written about my bipolar condition, and my mental health has not been good during this period – with the first two months being the most difficult, when I was plunged into the absolute depths of darkness and despair. The last four months have been better as I have come to terms with my situation, although there have been ups and downs. Some days I’ve been able to function fairly normally, with others when I’ve been extremely demotivated and depressed. Remember, depression is not just ‘feeling low’ (the sort of thing everyone experiences from time to time), but something that overwhelms you and takes over your whole being.

During this six months I’ve been ‘out of appointment’, meaning that I had to relinquish my responsibility for Leicester Central Corps of the Salvation Army. It wasn’t a period when I was out of work as such, because (when I could) I was able to fulfil some responsibilities as part of the chaplaincy team at the University of Leicester, as well as ecumenical, interfaith and other ‘work-related’ activities within the city. One of the very positive outcomes of the time has been the opportunity to regularly see a psychotherapist. He has helped me become very self-aware – something I can recommend for everyone, as there are so many people going through life without any real sense of who they are and why they react in the ways they do. I’ve been getting myself fit, especially through cycling (partly of necessity as I haven’t had a car for most of this period) and walking. Sometimes it was difficult to motivate myself, but always worth the effort when I did. I’ve also been able to use the time for reading, studying and writing, the latter having been very therapeutic and (at times) cathartic. I’ve also been very grateful for supportive family and friends through this time, with some of the latter only known to me online – but real friends nevertheless.

So, at the end of this six month period, how do I feel now? I feel positive! The Salvation Army has been very good to me, and I’m looking forward to the start of a new and exciting chapter of my life and ministry. Please feel free to get in touch with me – my contact details are readily available, and my mobile number is available on Facebook if we are friends.

Like so many people, I woke up this morning to the news that Osama bin Laden had been killed. Interestingly, in this age of social media, I read about it on my BlackBerry while checking Facebook and Twitter. While everyone had been thinking he was hiding in a cave in Afghanistan, he was actually found living in luxury in Pakistan! This, of course, raises quite a lot of political questions. One thing that I found unsettling was the celebratory scenes in America, celebrating his death in the streets is not going to further the cause of peace. But my main reason for this post is to highlight an excellent and well-balanced press release by the Muslim Council of Britain entitled ‘Now Let the Healing Begin’.

Farooq Murad, the Secretary General of the Muslim Council of Britain, made the following statement on the reported death of Osama bin Laden:

“Few will mourn the reported death of Osama bin Laden, least of all Muslims. Many Muslims will reflect on the ten years that have passed in which our faith and our community have been seen through the prism of terrorism and security. The Muslim Council of Britain has consistently stood firm against terrorism and violence, and will continue to do so. His extremism has been responsible for the deaths of many people, including many Muslims around the world. The actions of his movement which have no basis in the teachings of Islam have led to the pursuit of unjust wars and untold suffering.

Today our thoughts must be with the families of all those who suffered in the terrorist attacks around the world as well as of thousands of innocent lives lost in the wars against terrorism. It is unfortunate that his assassination has deprived them of the opportunity to see him brought to justice in the court of law.

Al-Qaeda’s ability to sow discord and mistrust between Muslims and others has caused untold damage. We must restore our belief in human dignity and peace by ensuring that we stand firm against all forms of hatred, injustices and violence.”

Here is one of my favourite pictures taken from inside The Deep in Hull. I love buildings, both old and modern, and I feel this shot captures an aspect of this iconic building designed by Sir Terry Farrell.

The long-running British sci-fi television series has been a part of my life for nearly as long as I can remember, and so I’m very excited that a new series starts today! I remember watching the first ever episode on an old black and white television in 1963, and (apart from a time when it went off a bit and was dropped) it’s as good as ever. Yes, the format has changed, but the current episodes encapsulate the spirit of the original – scary episodes (hiding behind the sofa is legendary) and great humour, with the latter being far better than it ever used to be. So (I for one) can’t wait until 6.00 pm on BBC1 today!

Update after today’s episode: It had everything in 45 minutes that’s good about Dr Who! As near a perfect episode as you could get, if not perfect! Intelligent, thoughtful, surreal, scary and witty!

I took this picture today, and have posted it to my Blipfoto Journal and Tumblr. I’m using the opportunity to post it here to expand my thoughts and provide links to some reflective verses. The words It is finished of Jesus from the Cross were not words of defeat, but words of victory. This was the culmination of Christ’s earthly mission and ministry, a moment of triumph vindicated by the Resurrection. You can read the passage from John’s Gospel here.

A law came into force in France today banning the public wearing of the Muslim veil. It seems to me that this position is flawed, and that anyone should have the freedom to wear what they like in public. If you get past the knee-jerk reactions, Islam can actually feel threatened by the West, and when any group feels under attack their culture and identity is reasserted. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m totally against women being forced to wear the veil culturally or religiously by a male patriarchy – but equally, I’m against a secular state forcing women not to wear it. Many Muslim women, including those I’ve spoken to, wear the veil to express their culture and religion, and are not forced to do so! Indeed, I’ve spoken to Muslim women who’ve had their veils torn off in racist attacks, and the perpetrators are rightly condemned by all fair-minded people. France, by bringing in this new law, are making the removal of the veil from women against their will somehow acceptable. So, putting aside all other questions for the moment, how EXACTLY is the French ban on the veil going to promote peace, love and understanding within society? My Muslim friends and leaders in Leicester fully support the right of Christians to wear crosses. So Christians who support the ban had better think long and hard, because I suspect they might be the first to cry foul if a secular government tried to ban the public wearing of crosses!

Yesterday I started a Blipfoto Journal for photos and thoughts. I already keep a private written journal in which I express my deepest thoughts, emotions and ideas, and this is certainly not for publication – for my eyes only! Keeping a journal can be very helpful and cathartic, and can be especially helpful for people (like myself) who have to deal with mental health issues in their day to day life. I’ll probably post more about this in due course. I also find the creative process of writing extremely satisfying and therapeutic, and feel I have a measure of talent in this area – us Brits should be more upfront with our talents in my humble opinion, good for overall well-being!

But back to Blipfoto (you’ll possibly have noticed I go off at tangents at times, but hopefully enlightening ones). Blipfoto is one of a number of websites that allow you to post a photo a day (a 365 project), and I chose it because it looks stylish and allows you to upload photos from the day you join. There are some restrictions (not really a problem), you can only upload one photo per day which must be assigned with the exact date it was taken, although you don’t have to physically upload them on that exact day. A review of four sites for uploading one photo a day says:

One of Blipfoto’s strengths is the fact that all uploaded photos are displayed as thumbnails on the front page, giving all members a chance to get noticed. And because of the strong community built around the site, members are constantly giving feedback.

And, as I suggested at the beginning of this post, I like the fact that you can add a long journal entry to the photo as well. Why not check it out?