John Ager's Home on the Web!

I’ve had a great day visiting my parents in Northampton today, making the most of my relative closeness to them before I move to Middlesbrough later this year. Having not slept the other night, I overslept this morning, but I still arrived in good time. Lunchtime was a visit to a local Toby Carvery (which is rapidly becoming a regular haunt when in Northampton) where we had a good natter about all sorts of things, not least my new Salvation Army appointment. Late afternoon was a wonderful opportunity to sit with my 88 year old father and watch 6 Nations Rugby (England v Wales) on the television, my mother even prepared sandwiches and tea for us so we wouldn’t miss any of the match! My father has always been (and still is) a keen gardener, and the photo is of crocuses in the garden.

The phrase ‘up north’ depends where you live in the British Isles! Many people in the south of England think that anything above London is ‘the north’. Indeed, a ‘southern softie’ friend of mine jokingly commented that he gets a nose bleed after Derbyshire! I was born in the Midlands, and currently live in the Midlands (near Nottingham) – this is NOT the north!

Anyway, I received a change of appointment today to Middlesbrough Citadel Corps, effective from July this year. My current appointment was only ever going to be temporary one for personal reasons, whereas this will be a permanent appointment as a Corps Officer again (rather than as an associate/support officer). I’m feeling positive about the new appointment, although it’s a long way from my elderly (late 80s) parents. Middlesbrough is most definitely the north, but there’s still a long way to go before you reach Scotland!

Many of you will know that I recently had to take the awful decision to end my dog’s life. Zoe would have been 15 years old today and for most of her life she’d been in good health, and back in January her annual check-up was very positive. Unfortunately, she deteriorated rapidly a few months ago, although I don’t think she suffered in any real sense. As I walked her to the nearby veterinary surgery, I had a horrible feeling it would be her last walk. It was probably kidney failure, and I could have gone down the road of blood tests and treatment (which would have been covered by insurance), but opted for the hard decision of love. The vet and her assistant handled the situation with great sensitivity and care, and I stayed with Zoe (stroking her head) as she peacefully slipped away.

Zoe was a Welsh rescue dog (Border Collie X) that I adopted from the Dogs Trust when she was about 7 or 8 months old. She’s been a wonderful friend and companion for over 14 years, and I have special memories of her running free on the Welsh mountains in the Rhondda Valley – but more of that later!

To bring her home involved driving over a mountain, so Marta drove and I sat with Zoe on my lap in the back of the car. The first few days at home with the family were interesting, to say the least! Although Zoe was a rescue dog, I don’t think she’d been mistreated, merely not given the attention and exercise she needed. She was so inquisitive as we walked her through the Rhondda Valley streets, wanting see what was round every corner and in every garden! It was also a time when she had to learn the house-rules of not climbing on furniture and beds. She quickly got the hang of them, and after two or three days, she never broke the rules once – even when we were out!

After a few weeks the time came to let Zoe run loose for the first time, so on a Saturday morning I climbed up the mountain on our doorstep with her. We walked up the mountain path through open ground and forest trees, past fast flowing streams and rock formations, finally reaching fairly level ground at the top. Now was the time to let her off the lead, and the minute I did she was off like something possessed! I don’t think she’d ever had her freedom, and so she was going to make the most of it. I’d purposely left plenty of time because I knew it might be difficult to get her back. She’d keep coming to within a few feet of me, just to check I was still there and that everything was alright, but never close enough to put her back on the lead. In the end I had to start making my way back down the mountain, and Zoe followed me but always at a distance. Eventually as I neared the bottom of the mountain, and Zoe was completely wet and covered in mud, I managed to get her back on her lead somehow.

This mountain became well known and loved by Zoe and myself during the next three years until we moved away from the area, and some of my best memories are up there.

To be continued…..

There’s rosemary, that’s for remembrance; pray you, love,
remember. And there is pansies, that’s for thoughts.
William Shakespeare – Hamlet, Act 4, Scene 5

Last week my daughter Sarah and I bought some herbs from Bardill’s Garden Centre and planted them in the front garden. Hopefully they will grow well and give me plenty of herbs for cooking. We bought six different herbs, click on each one for more information: Chives, Coriander, Garden Mint, Oregano, Rosemary and Sage.

Those of you who know me and my personal circumstances will realise that the title of this post is something of an understatement! I can honestly say that the last six months have been the most difficult and challenging of my life. In the middle of November 2010 I had to face up to what can only be described as a life-changing event, which has had a profound effect: with implications for me as a person, for my mental health, and for my work. Consequently, there are implications for my future life and work.

I have previously written about my bipolar condition, and my mental health has not been good during this period – with the first two months being the most difficult, when I was plunged into the absolute depths of darkness and despair. The last four months have been better as I have come to terms with my situation, although there have been ups and downs. Some days I’ve been able to function fairly normally, with others when I’ve been extremely demotivated and depressed. Remember, depression is not just ‘feeling low’ (the sort of thing everyone experiences from time to time), but something that overwhelms you and takes over your whole being.

During this six months I’ve been ‘out of appointment’, meaning that I had to relinquish my responsibility for Leicester Central Corps of the Salvation Army. It wasn’t a period when I was out of work as such, because (when I could) I was able to fulfil some responsibilities as part of the chaplaincy team at the University of Leicester, as well as ecumenical, interfaith and other ‘work-related’ activities within the city. One of the very positive outcomes of the time has been the opportunity to regularly see a psychotherapist. He has helped me become very self-aware – something I can recommend for everyone, as there are so many people going through life without any real sense of who they are and why they react in the ways they do. I’ve been getting myself fit, especially through cycling (partly of necessity as I haven’t had a car for most of this period) and walking. Sometimes it was difficult to motivate myself, but always worth the effort when I did. I’ve also been able to use the time for reading, studying and writing, the latter having been very therapeutic and (at times) cathartic. I’ve also been very grateful for supportive family and friends through this time, with some of the latter only known to me online – but real friends nevertheless.

So, at the end of this six month period, how do I feel now? I feel positive! The Salvation Army has been very good to me, and I’m looking forward to the start of a new and exciting chapter of my life and ministry. Please feel free to get in touch with me – my contact details are readily available, and my mobile number is available on Facebook if we are friends.

This is first of a number of my favourite photographs I’ll be showcasing on this site. I really like this one of my daughter that was taken in dark surroundings on a low specification mobile phone camera in 2008, it shows that good results can be achieved without expensive equipment. It was originally a colour photo which I changed to monochrome and then tweaked to give some soft-focus and grainy effects. I hope you like it!

I’ve also set up a Facebook page for my photography – so if you enjoy my photos please check it out and click the [Like] button, John Ager’s Art & Photography.